Wednesday started off just like every other day, woke up early, dressed, teeth, hair, etc. Then upstairs for custy breakfast, then packing lunch, then packing vans then in for morning devos. We were all kind of in the hang of it by now considering we had kind of reached our mid-way point of the week. We all gathered back in the youth room and did our devos. I think the book that they gave us is such an awesome thing, because I know a lot of people struggle with finding ways to spend time or focus themselves on Christ, but this devotional book was just the neatest thing because I've had ones like these that they'd give us from camp when I was 8 or something, but these were books that our youth pastors were using as well. In our devo books, we were learning about reacting differently to situations were put in, and how to deal with them in a Godly way. There was a page in the book that was to be torn out, but on that page we had to write a problem we were dealing with, more specifically a problem we were having with someone. Then everyone would put their sheet in a basket and when we were done devos, we'd all take a sheet and pray for that person throughout the day. It was a cool idea. But there was an awkward number so I ended up without a sheet because I volunteered to go without. But it felt really cool knowing that someone was praying for my exact problem. But that led me to wondering how people would react if they knew that they were being prayed for, especially my non-Christian friends. It was kind of interesting.
Anyways, Team Jim had to re-meet up with Erin to find out what we were doing today because our schedule got changed half way through the week. We were done with Manor Care and Work Projects and were now moving on to Silence of Mary. Now we pretty much knew nothing about the Silence of Mary other than there was a lady who had a dog who has really big balls. This was had learned from the group that was there the past 2 days. Anyways, we were only briefly explained to about what this was and I guess the simplest way to put it is one lady who runs a bunch of homeless shelters, but it's so much more than that. It is one woman named Sue who has lived her whole life a Christian and when she was growing up, there was no poor, there was no hungry, there were no needy people; everyone was taken care of. And that's just how she lived so she continued to do that. Now something must be clear here, she is one lady. All on her own, no government support, no money coming in that she makes herself, nothing. Everything she does is either on her own or by way of donation. So what she does is basically takes in the homeless. She takes in those who are disabled, mentally challenged, sick, pregnant, orphaned, anything. And she makes them apart of her family. They aren't just clients, they are her legit family. She feeds them, gives them a bed, gives them a home, takes them to the doctors. These people are part of the family. So she basically has 8 different houses which she owns all around Harrisburg and she turns them into homes for these people. It's really cool.
So today we were just going to her house, Sue's direct house, where she and her husband live with one of the family members, Jody. And Jody is only there for a short time because she's getting ready to move out back on her own again after a terrible fire that occurred before. Because Sue does so much with her organization, she rarely does anything at all for herself. Basically today was going to spent helping her out around her house. She has quite a beautiful farm property. The first thing we did when we got there was go up this big hill with very heavy shovels and pile mounds of rocks into the back of a trailer so Sue could bring it down to patch up the holes in her driveway. She was afraid that because it was so rickety and broken up because of floods, if someone was to come to her in the middle of the night looking for shelter, they may fall and hurt themselves, so it was her goal to patch up the driveway. While we were shovelling, I got to talk to her a lot about her story which was really awesome to hear. She's around somewhere over 50 and the way she knows and talks about God is like she's just discovered Him for the very first time. She has such a passion for what she does and she's been doing it her whole life and can't imagine doing anything differently. It's just such an inspiration.
We did a variety of different jobs around the farm that day. When we were doing it, it really didn't seem like we were doing a lot but looking back, we got so much accomplished. We were able to pile all the rocks up, stain a chair, put the doors back on a newly furnish cabinet, cut down trees and bring the wood down to stack in the wood pile, refill all her laundry detergents and softeners, plant over 30 types of herbs as well as cut the grass and plant some bushes. The grass was very interesting. It was myself, Maddie and Mark who decided that we would take on the job. The grass that she had was up to my hips. MY hips, and if you know me, you know how long my legs are. It was insane. So when we cut this grass we didn't use a lawn mower. Oh no, we used something that I don't even know the name of. It was basically like a double ended saw attached to a pole, if that makes any sense. So we basically used them like a baseball bat swinging at the ground like it was bloody murder. It was wonderful. Now obviously we couldn't destroy the whole property so once we cleared out a good chunk of grass, we dug a hole with a shovel and a pix axe. Then we planted some Japanese plant that was very invasive, so the plan is that it will take over all the other grass and turn it into the plant that will flower and look pretty therefore they never have to worry about cutting the grass again. It was all very fun. Plus Becky came by and said hello around lunch and we all stayed and ate together in this little shack Sue had. It was fun. Our whole group had worn our Pocket Change apparel today so we were interrogated a lot about it, it was nice.
After saying good bye to Jody and Sue, we headed off to the Y for our daily showers. Somehow the guys managed to get in the pool, but we decided to just stick to the showers. After this, as per usual, Springvale kids went to Target. However this time we decided to drive, oh boy. Alex sped all the way into the plaza and then looped around the back of the store driving like a maniac the whole time, we were screaming and dancing and had our hands up in the air falling out of the seats, it was all good. And then we managed to park the van in a away that it took up 6 parking spots. Very nice looks from other customers and staff. After that exciting adventure, we headed back to the church for yet another stomach curdling dinner. After this, instead of having CLUB, we mixed it up a bit and went to our event first, then deciding to have CLUB afterward. But it wasn't really going to be CLUB, the past 2 days we had been talking about what we could do to show the Youthworks staff how much we appreciated them so we were going to do that for them tonight in CLUB. For our event we went to a youth group. Kind of like a Sr.High sort of deal. But we were told to dress nice. And by them saying nice, everyone started to dress like they were going out to dinner at some fancy place downtown. I mean, this is youth. But seeing everyone look so nice made everyone question whether or not they should change. Kat and I were walking down the stairs when two girls were debating whether or not they should change and Kat just said 'No, you look beautiful' and the girl responded with 'It's funny you say that, because I just went in my mail bag and found this' and she pulled out my note. I was so happy. So I just smiled and told her it was because it was true. I never found out who got the other ones but I was so happy that she got it and I found out that she got it and it made her day.
It was really sweet. I mean just walking in, you felt awesome and happy and loved and it's so incredible that they can set up the atmosphere like that. They facility was huge and so cool, they had a legit stage and technicoloured lights and mics and a sound system, nothing different than what we have, it was just set up like a concert. We started praise and worship, but it was a little strange because they wrote their own songs and they were really long, so none of us really knew the words to any of them. Half way through one of the songs, I bailed to go to the washroom, but I never re-entered the scene. When I came back I just sat down behind one of the pillars beside the huge group of everyone else. One of the student leaders of the youth came and talked to me to check and see if I was okay, I just told him I was feeling sick, which was true. He prayed for me and then went along and ended up semi-speaking. I kept listening to the songs. But my mind was just running wild. Then the speaker came up and started talking, it did partially confuse me how he started with 'Holy crap that was some good worship.' I guess it just threw me off, but what he was saying was really cool. He talked about hearing the voice of God and how He's always speaking, it just depends whether or not we're listening. As much as I'd really like to have what he said resonate with me, I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Everyone stood up to leave and was saying good bye and giving hugs and I just sat there, until I actually had to stand up, then Schrep saw me and asked me how I was, and I told her I was about to fall apart, so we went outside and talked for a bit. But when you're in my situation, there's nothing someone can really say that makes anything better. I mean, I know the answers I'll get to the things I'll say so it's rather pointless to even say them. I guess I'm going to write more about this night on my main blog, so if you know it, you can go there for more details. I was just at a point of being so broken. And watching as those youth in there would stop in the middle of the song and fall to their knees and scream out prayers and praise to God. How every hand in the room would be stretched right up. How in between every song, everyone would stop and form a prayer huddle and just pray for each other. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't pretend that I had that any more. I was so lost and to be in a place like that when that was not truly how I felt was probably one of the only times I stopped pretending.
I felt sick, I thought I would throw up, I felt like ripping my heart out. And it's nothing that you would understand, person reading my travel blog right now. I don't think it'd be something you could grasp. But just stopped feeling. And I left there with Jen, got in the van and stayed silent the whole way back, while they blasted their Jesus songs and all sang along, gladly carrying through the Jesus high they had just experienced while I so blatantly denied getting on the trip. We got back to the church and everyone went to CLUB but I just went to the sleeping rooms and cried. Emily sat and talked with me a bit. We've been though similar things but the leaders kept telling us we should go back up. Emily left but I stayed. I just needed a moment, minutes; anything. Something to gather my thoughts, scream, sing, let some tears out after being bottled in for so long. It still didn't help. I felt terrible and worthless and trapped. But I went up just in time to sign the giant cards we had made for the Staff to thank them. I had missed the prayers and feet washing and other things they did for them while I was in my mental instability. Which I still was, having gone upstairs but it was more mild. I came into our group time looking like a bag of poo but no one asked or said anything because they all know me as one who doesn't ask for help. But we talked about that youth and opinions, thoughts, questions, worries, then all about our day and how it went. Well, they talked, I sat there and stared at the floor. We all stood and prayed. I realized I hadn't prayed out loud the whole time we'd been here. My mind was still running away from me during all the prayers but other than that I tried to maintain my sanity in order to at least hear what the others were saying. After that, it branched off into craziness and randomness. And I smiled. Then I laughed. Then it got to falling off my chair laughing. Then to rolling on the ground laughing. And it only improved as we spent this time all in tears because we were laughing so hard. I'm talking Alex Street curled up into the fetal position laughing so hard he's crying, Sarah and Amy running out of the room laughing so hard. And a few people actually peeing their pants laughing so hard. It was exactly what I needed. I sign that it was okay to be happy. And that's why God works in such insane ways. We kept having fun and jumping tables which was really cool. Then other people poked their heads in to see what we were doing and others came in and judged us. But it was fine, I was happy. Genuinely content, and that's something that tends to be difficult so that I was really needed and I appreciate everyone for being so awesome and letting that happen. I few people asked me if I was okay, but I told them no, but then again, I never am. But it's getting better. They kind of shrugged it off and walked away confused. The night had been too much fun to spark insomnia over the previous events, so I crashed as soon as I laid down.
Datatadaa! Day 3.
